Is it Time To Return?

Today is Earth Day and what a wonderful day it is starting out to  be!  This is my first post written shortly after a run.  I wouldn't liken myself as to having runner's high from breaking any speed barriers or distance records as I lightly ran a 1.5 miles, but I have to say I feel like I'm up on a cloud!  This was my test run to see just how well my foot is healing.  The real answer to my question, "Is it time to return?" will come over the next day or two to see how my foot reacts to the impact.  My euphoric feeling this morning comes from the fact that I was able to run, to do what I love, what my body and mind desire.  I can't say I have ever been addicted to the feelings that come from tipping a few back, smoking or the like, but I am addicted to the feelings that I get from running.  The great thing is, my addiction is a healthy one!

Race Day

Today is race day.  I am still nursing my foot, so I am not running.  I do have a number of good friends racing.  Throw those two facts into the same equation and that creates a swirl of emotions mixed up inside me.  First, I am excited just because it is race day and the route happens to go right past my house.  Races always excite me.  I feel the race day jitters even if I'm not out there pounding the pavement.  I really am crazy, I even eat and hydrate like I am racing.  Second, I have a friend who is running today and just a couple years ago, did not run and in fact used to call me nuts to be running 13.1 miles.  How AWESOME is it that she is now running not only a half, but training for her first marathon!  Let's add to the equation another great friend who is running their first half marathon, really running consistently for the first time in many years.  Add to that yet another person I know who is running their first half.  Wow, that's a lot of excitement!  Let's examine now, the fact that I am not running.  I think the hardest thing I struggle with is that I passionately want to be out there and it is not my choice to be on the sideline, rather a necessity.  I yearn to feel the freedom of my body moving in rhythm to my thoughts, gliding along the paths and feeling the wind blow.  I want to see another runner in front of me, to make a small goal to catch them, then gradually ease up alongside them and pass, hoping I can give a little encouragement for them to follow.  I miss the excitement at the starting line, where everyone else looks just as nervous as I, as I struggle to focus on just why in the world I think I need to run 13.1 miles.  I miss picking out what other runners I think I will beat.  I want to have that overwhelming feeling of accomplishment as I cross the finish line.

So, my emotional equation is wrought with both extreme excitement and extreme sadness, a healthy person will find balance in that.  I will find a way to use this as motivation to keep exercising healthy and safely so that I can be out there for that next race!

When you Don't Listen to Your Body

What comes into the head of an addict who finally comes to the realization that they must change their habits to become healthier, to heal?  Although I am not an addict to drugs, alcohol or nicotine, I do have some side effects when I am unable to run, my family surely can attest to that.  Personally, each day becomes a struggle to think beyond I can not currently do.  It is possible though, and to heal physically, it takes great mental courage to move forward.

I was on my way to running in a half marathon in just a few weeks.  About two weeks ago, I mentioned to a friend that my foot was hurting a little.  Now, one would think that since I have a college degree in physical education and fitness coupled with the fact that I have been running for over a quarter century (that doesn't make me feel old, only proud)... that I would have the sense to analyze my situation before it leads to further injury.  Well, when you love something so much, you are blinded.  I was blinded from the pain, my body was sending a message.  I did not stop, I ran my regular runs and a hard speed run, on pavement of all ridiculous things.  I was 1.5 miles from home when my foot hurt so bad, it brought tears to my eyes.  I knew instantly that I had pushed it too far.  Me being the guru of running that I convinced myself of, took a whole one week off.  I even had suggestion that to heal from what I knew was a stress fracture on the top of my foot (unfortunately I know it from experience) would take more than one week.  I was determined to try, partly because I love to run, partly because my brother asked me to run and partly because it was the warmest day of the year so far, sporting 53 degrees.  So, armed with the excitement of getting out there in shorts, we did our short trial run.  It took me only one mile in to realize, things were not better.  It took me probably one more minute of thought to realize that I was at least one month past needing new shoes.  So, I knew I must break the bad news.  Honey, I need new shoes, please!

So what does come into my head upon all this realization?  Why did I not think to get new shoes?  I know better.  Why did I not listen to my friend and wait longer?  I know better.  Why does the person who has the drive to run in absolutely any weather have to get hurt?  The recurring theme... because I thought I knew better.  Turns out, I did not.  My body knew better.  Now, I must listen to what my body says and let it heal.  However, as I've stated, I am an addict.  Without that burn I feel in my muscles, I am lost.  Without that sense of accomplishment each day, I am lost.  Without that ache mid day, reminding me that I met my exercise goal, I am lost.  Without all that, I am not me.  So, with the power of positive thinking, I jump on my bike, I lace up my punching gloves and I find other activities to keep me occupied and somewhat sane as I heal.